my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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