Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
