Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
