after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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