Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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