I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
