So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
