just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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