if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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