she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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