Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
