At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
