I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
