if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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