Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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