flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would fuck him just for his dog
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
