Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
