I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
