Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
