it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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