She is in my trunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
