watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
