Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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