your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
