The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize