you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
