dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
