Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
