Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
