btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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