My nipple is on Facebook.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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