oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it glows. i had to have it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
