I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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