just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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