you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I touched a dick in church today
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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