I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
