I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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