I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
