I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
