Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
