he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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