U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
