sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
