I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
