she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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