i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
