i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
