why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
