He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
