he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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